by Tara Adams
BLOOMSBURG, Pa. -- There's the dentist who wants to floss your teeth with barbed wire, a doctor who just pulled a foot out of someone's rear end, and a nun who's eager to decapitate her next victim.
Fear At The Farm in Bloomsburg, Pa., has its share of memorable characters. And on a recent chilly Sunday night, the crowds lined up to see them.
Owner Adrian Swartzlander said Sunday nights are a large draw for local residents, often larger than Friday crowds.
Fear At The Farm features a haunted hayride and a walk-through attraction, both part of a haunt that continues to grow.
The haunt added a few new scenes and expanded the deck on the Boos Bar for this season. Next season, the hayride will be overhauled and expanded.
“I'm redesigning the whole ride after this season,” Swartzlander said. “That's our focus for next year. You'll have to come back next year, because that'll be a lot bigger, a lot more scenes out there.”
Inside the walk-through, a variety of scares and surprises await visitors. One second their hearts might be thumping from a pitch-black jump scare, and the next, one of them ends up reclining in a retro-creepy dentist chair that suddenly pitches backward with a metallic clunk.
Before the new “patient,” or victim, can sit up, a manic-eyed dentist is looming over her, peering into her mouth with deranged enthusiasm.
“Let's take a look!” the dentist said. “Nice and wide!”
The dentist then tells the patient she has a bad tooth and work is needed. Before the patient can protest, the dentist is holding a sputtering drill and aiming straight for her molars. Just as the visitor braces for the worst, the dentist abruptly kills the motor and scoffs.
“Alright, get going, get going!” the dentist says. “I have more patients to see!”
As the patient heads for the exit, the dentist calls out a reminder to keep up on oral hygiene while hoisting a thick strand of barbed wire for dental floss.
“Get in there nice and good!”
Now in its sixth season, Fear At The Farm offers more than plastic props and predictable hallways. Actors can make physical contact with visitors, adding another element to the experience. There's a rough, backwoods quality to the place, with over-the-top characters and sets that wouldn't look out of place in a 1980s direct-to-video splatter flick.
“How do you like my hand job, pretty good, right?” said the doctor, who had earlier retrieved a foot from a patient's behind, while pointing to X-rays of a mangled hand.
The doctor grabbed a hand prop with fingers pointing in several different directions. “I did a pretty good job on this guy, you know?”
Elsewhere in the haunt, visitors encountered a deranged woman who is dressed like a nun, standing in front of a large game wheel and carrying a decapitated head.
“You're not going to spin my wheel? I'll spin it for you,” the nun says.
None of the options on the wheel are a good deal for the visitor. The nun spins the wheel, then stops it on the space of her choosing.
“Oh, it's my choice! My choice is, ‘I think you should get the hell out or you're going to end up like this guy right here! Get out!’” she yells, gesturing toward the decapitated head.
The dentist's office is more than a gag. The scene takes a familiar fear and makes it absurd and threatening. The drill, the chair and the barbed-wire floss turn an ordinary trip to the dentist into something altogether more sinister.
The actors have the energy of a traveling carnival crossed with an underground punk show. The makeup is grimy, and the banter feels spontaneous rather than rehearsed. The characters aren't just standing around waiting to jump out at people; they interact with visitors and keep the scenes moving.
As they wait their turn, visitors laugh, wonder how claustrophobic the rooms might be and debate who will go first.
They think they're ready for whatever’s waiting for them in the darkened rooms and corridors, but the drill is already spinning up again.
Fear At The Farm is open this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, the final weekend of the season. Swartzlander said the attraction will be open on May 1 for a Halfway to Halloween haunt and Halloween oddities festival.
For more information about this weekend's lineup, visit Fear At The Farm's Facebook page here.

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